Dating expert Andrew Gung exposes the truth on pickup lines and what the better alternatives are.
Core Confidence Coaching
Andrew J. Gung
7:30PM Friday,10th Sep 2020
The dating game has changed over the last 10 years and especially in 2020. More single men and women are jumping onto dating apps now more than ever. The increased rate in users on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, E-harmony and more are at an all-time high and are only going to continue to increase.
It brings me to the most common two questions I get asked by my clients: What are the best Tinder pickup lines and do they actually work?
Let's tackle the second of these questions first with this bombshell. Pickup lines don't actually work. Unfortunately, far too many reputable websites promote using them claiming they work. Now I know you're probably disappointed hearing that. You thought that this article would hand you a secret combination of words so you could finally get on some awesome dates this week. Well, I have good and bad news for you!
The bad news is that unfortunately pickup lines are extremely tacky and won't get you the success you're looking for. They're a thing of the past. They make girls laugh at you rather than with you. The good news is, I'm still going to give you the tools to have awesome openers and achieve the success you're looking for. It all comes down to a combination of using playful humour and creative openers.
I've heard and seen so many cringe-worthy pickup lines that send chills down my spine. Before I show you what builds attraction, let's take a look at what openers don't quite work and why.
Here are the top 3 examples that were promoted on a reputable site that claimed these actually work. Let's go through them together and discover what makes them so terrible.
"Are you from Tennessee...? Because you're the only 10 I see"
This is the typical canned pickup line you may have seen used in YouTube videos, but mostly for pranks or college pickup videos. Most of the time the girl laughs, giving you the impression that it worked. Don't get me wrong, laughing is a great response, but would they be laughing with you because they feel attraction, or would they be laughing at you thinking that it's quite lame?
When you use this on Tinder, you'll get the same type of response from the girl. You'll be able to identify this easily as we will uncover in the later examples. Instead of using cheesy pickup lines, I would suggest you be creative, using what we call a cold opener. Rather than ask a question (we call this taking value), turn it into a statement that is fun and assertive (we call this giving value).
One example I teach my students:
"Please don’t hate me for my honesty, but you look like a mix between Beyoncé and Jesus"
(ref pg. 4 The Art of Great Text Game)
There's little that's more fulfilling than the feeling when you come up with your own cold openers and they really work! This example has been overused by clients and you smart people who've purchased our text game guide. Come up with your own and see how the fairer sex responds.
This one was a highly recommended pickup line from the same website that suggests it could be used on dating apps and gives you a high success rate in return.
Looking at this in depth, it's great how the guy is being creative with her name in a fun and playful manner, however I would suggest not to go for the obvious.
If the girls name is an obvious one such as 'Sydney' or 'Paris' , you can almost bet that every other guy has made references to her name and made a pun/joke towards it which won't make you stand out at all. It's always best if the guy becomes creative and fun making reference to something else in the girl's bio instead and using an observational opener.
Standing out is what we want you to achieve, however the response he gets may at first appear to be very positive but isn't exactly the best as she doesn't give him much to work with.
Since she doesn't given him much to work with, it makes it challenging for him to further escalate the conversation. It displays low compliance and a low interest level from her end. Because of her low interest from the beginning, the guy then results in chasing her using very cringe worthy pickup lines. Of course she is not going to respond to that, he is throwing compliments at her and she hasn't even done anything yet to have earned it ( which displays low value in him ).
Again she was laughing at him on all the responses instead of laughing with him.
This guy was too easy and not a challenge at all putting her up on a massive pedestal, rolling out his red carpet for her whilst dusting her shoes at the same time. If there was any interest or sexual attraction from the girl, it was somewhat destroyed by his opener, and then completely destroyed by his second response.
This 'Tinder pickup line' was rated as one of the top three from another popular website. Now there definitely is room for improvement on this one as it's not cheesy or cringe-worthy like the previous ones, but it's great how it starts off with ;
"Hey I was writing an article on the finer things in life..."
as it demonstrates in his narrative that he could possibly be in a high value position such as a journalist. The issue here is in the second part of his opening message which puts himself in a low value position. He does this by putting her on a massive pedestal with"I was hoping I could interview you".
He comes from a place of neediness and gives her validation from the beginning without her having earned it like she is some sort of celebrity or high status girl. You can see that she isn't at all very impressed by her response. She is basically saying to herself
*Ugh... not another one of these guys that kiss my ass. Where are the real men on this dating app that will throw me a challenge*
The sort of things we want to look for are the small hidden details which can be found in her photos or her bio. You could start with a cold opener as we discussed earlier, or an observational opener which we'll demonstrate now for you.
Let’s first look at the bio on a girls profile. The first approach to consider is to start with a witty remark that references what they’ve written. Here is a really good example from our text game guide called, The Art of Great Text Game, which you can download at the bottom of this article.
In one of my matches using Tinder, the girl's profile was:
Girlfriend material? Check
Will bust out “Stand By Me”? Check
Favourite Language? Czech
Where to deposit, savings or? Cheque
It’s a funny and witty bio. Most guys would be compelled to open with a comment about any one line here with something obvious. Maybe something about her being girlfriend material and if she can really speak Czech. These are common and overused conversational themes. We can certainly do a lot better than that, given the top 3 examples featured in my article 'The Top 3 Best Tinder Pickup Lines.'
My response and her reaction should hopefully emphasise this for you.
You can see the result for yourself. Comparing this with the bad pickup lines, you want to approach with a fun, witty opener that will demonstrate high value and make her chase. Not only stand out, but have her feel and think 'finally a guy that gets it!'
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